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. : Yes Adolf, Prey On The Illiterate . . . : .

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Every morning I go past the same sign. Sitting by the side of the road, every day, it shouts the same message at me. Over and over and over again. I have to read it so many times: "Speed Kills". And every time I think the same thing - speed doesn't kill, getting stopped very fast while speeding is what kills. Only subtly different, I know, but still, that sign should be classed as false advertising. Advertising for what, I hear you ask. Well, I'm not going to answer that, simply because you're all the way over there, so I didn't actually hear you ask anything.

So the topic for the day's ranting - steel wool. Ok, I admit it looks vaguely like wool. At least, I suppose it does to a hugely colour-blind and short-sighted person looking at it without glasses. And yet, other than the way it looks it bears no resemblance whatsoever to the real kind of wool. I mean, does it come from sheep? Yes? Really? Since when have there been metal sheep? Yesterday? Ok, fair enough, I suppose. But I'm not going to give up, I still think it should be called something more sane, like 'Flufficated Steel'.

Speaking of sheep, whether they're the standard kind or metal, they always make me think of vegetarians. What is the big deal with eating meat? If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? I think that question really proves that animals are there to be eaten. Vegetables, on the other hand just taste like grass. Ok, so maybe it's unfair to kill animals for food, but surely it's just as unfair for dinosaurs to kill humans in movies then, but nobody complains about that.

Dwelling on this point for a moment, I will go on to rant some more about these animal-loving people. Who started the arguments for and against vegetarianism? Hmm? Vegetarians, that's who. There wasn't a problem until they came along. And going on my usual theory of "if you can't beat them, blow them up", I say we blow them up. What's more, I have two perfectly coherent arguments to support my suggestion:

a) The political correctness of my theory is fantastically high.

b) One must always bear in mind that only very few problems cannot be solved by proper application of high explosives.

c) An 'a' and a 'b' look stupid without a 'c', so I stuck this one in for the sake of it.

So you see it makes perfect sense. Obvious really - I can't believe nobody thought of it before.

Yes Adolf, Prey On The Illiterate . . .

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