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An epiphanundrum hit me earlier this month, like a ball squarely hitting one's testicular regions in an attempt to create pancakes from them. So why have I not yet formulated this epiphanundrum into the standard Yapoti.net format of an unorganised mess of words? Well, how am I supposed to know?

Right, so, the epiphanundrum...

Here it is - cyclists. That's right, it's not really much of an epiphany, just a conundrum, it's simply a matter of the first word being way more fun to say. Cyclists. They cycle on the pavement, on the roads, in the sky and even on the railways. Not a care in the world. PAVEMENTS ARE THERE FOR PEDESTRIANS. When I walk into a cyclist, is it really my fault that they're optionally in the way of every pedestrian? Every day it's the same - walking down the road has become merely an exercise in avoiding the oncoming masses of cyclists. It's like having to avoid the corridor clot of Lower Sixth at Hills Road, except these people are armed with handlebars and wheels, a lethal combination when in the wrong hands.

And today, my capacity to cope with the cyclist species was reached. I was crossing the road, about a metre away from a stationary cyclist who was waiting by a traffic light, and before I had time to move he had cycled into my leg. He had accelerated forwards without due care, obviously knowing that I was there, right in front of him. And the worst part of it all was . . . he got my trousers wet. WET. The wetness remained for HOURS thereafter. It was horrific . . . truly horrific . . .

So they can't handle pavements OR roads. So where should they go? I see only one option. The sewers. Yeah, that'd show them who's boss.

I hope the sheer magnitude of my rage has been accurately portrayed by the vast amount of block capitals...

Anyways, if you agree with my views on cyclists, please sign the "Yapoti Initiative for Cyclist Kicking by Yeomen" (YICKY) petition by sending a blank email to i_want_cyclists_off_the_pavement@yapoti.net.

Yelling And Poking Often Terminates Idiocy

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