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. : You're Absolutely Perverted Or Totally Ignorant : .

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I will, for no apparent reason, open with this comment:

"A guy walks into his brother's room scratching his balls - he was never seen or heard from again . . . "

What is it? A joke? A philosophical analogy of some kind? An artistic interpretation of the modern world, wrapped up nicely, with a brightly coloured bow, of course, in a single comprehensive and informative sentence? I guess we'll never know for sure . . . just let it eat away at your brain for a while, then you'll see what it REALLY means.

Now, while my sanity picks up it's own bloodied remains off the bathroom floor, I'll follow with a fairly simple question: Why do dogs wag their tails? How can this possibly be good for dogkind in any way at all? It just makes no sense. There's no reason why anybody would want to start wagging a body part when excited, or happy about something. Someone knocks on the door - what do you do? You simply open it, not stand there wagging your rear-most parts in the air like a helicopter blade while panting like some perverted stalker (note that I actually vaguely mentioned the title of the article for once). Although, come to think of it, if dogs had learned to open doors instead of just scaring the person on the other side maybe they wouldn't be our slaves, so it's probably best not to give them any ideas. I suppose we're probably better off letting them continue the implementation of their odd social actions . . .

As I meander through the rivers of this article, I shall land elegantly on the shore and change the subject once more, though, to lodge a complaint against something I'm sure we all hate: Key Skills - the single most boring and pointless subject ever "taught" at college (and whoever came up with the concept of it must be even more boring and pointless). That's right, congruent in every possible way to a broken pencil (get it - pointless? Whatever...), Key Skills should be banned. Cruelty to animals (humans are animals, bet you never knew that) is what it is, pure and simple. So stop protesting against those nice men in their white coats who like their monkey's so much they give them freaky rainbow coloured things to eat and start protesting against Hills Road Sixth Form instead. Now there's a ~~brainstorm~~ ~~mind map~~ idea rain if I ever saw one...

Anyway, back to dogs. Well, my point (see, full pencil) is really that I'm going to slip in a picture of one, so here goes:

You're Absolutely Perverted Or Totally Ignorant

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