. : Yikes! A Pessimistic Octopus Trashed Ipswich! : .
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If I may, I would like to rant about something that has been bugging me like a covert double agent trying to catch some multi-millionaire, world-dominating villain who shall forever remain unnamed. And this thing is, yes, you guessed it: public showers. First of all, I should explain that my only experiences of public showers have been those that can be found at campsites and the such like, and other's may be more to the public's liking...
So, the shower itself: the curtain is always too short. There is no point in having a curtain around the shower if water can just roll on out on its own accord anyway. And that's not the only problem with the shower curtains - there also always the problem that the shower itself is too small, so you always end up with stickage problems concerning the curtain, which is most unpleasant, especially when you stop to think about what stickage problems others may have had before you in that same shower...Yeah, think about THAT.
We end up with a situation in which there's water all over the floor, all of the time. Not only does this cause disgusting problems such as mould and related growths, but it also means that there's nowhere for you to put your clothes. The toilet seat is filthy, the sink is filthy, nowhere at all is suitable for clothes keepage. Now, I have to admit that there were actually clothes and towel hooks in most of the public showers I have used recently, but they were not obivous, and I could never find them. I personally think that the SOS (Public Showers Operating Society - silent 'P', you see) should signpost these accessories clearly in every public shower.
Then, soap. What is a shower without soap? It's rain. If you stood out in a thunderstorm naked for quarter of an hour would you consider yourself to be any cleaner than you started out being? No, I don't think so. So you need soap. It is an essential ingredient of the showering experience...but do they provide one for you? Most often, the answer is no. And what's more, the few times that you CAN find a soap of some sort near the showers, someone else will have used it before you, and people seem to have an uncanny talent in leaving hairs all over them. I don't even want to know why the hairs seem to never cease falling off these people's bodies.
And soap isn't the only thing that seems to accumulate hair - the plughole. That dreaded collector of all things yucky seems to have some sort of obsession with catching anything that you don't want to have to see. And, somehow, people seem to spread their newly lost hairs all over the floor for everyone's enjoyment...
Somehow, you manage to wedge your way into that small space they call a shower - then you face another problem. You have to pay. They don't tell you that you have to pay, but you have to pay. Otherwise it either doesn't work, or you get attacked by freezing cold water.
Once you eventually get the shower working at a suitable temperature, you are then disturbed multiple times throughout the cleansing process by people trying to open the door. They do this despite the blatant engaged sign on the door. The lock is there for a reason, and it does tell you when there's somebody in the room already.
So that's just about it - my rant is over. I think you get the point. However, if you would like more information or directions to your nearest public shower please email sos@yapoti.net providing your post code and daily telephone number. We will reply as soon as other duties permit.
Yikes! A Pessimistic Octopus Trashed Ipswich!
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