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Toilet seats are always freezing cold. Even in the summer, in sweltering heat, when you sit on the toilet an icy chill gets sent up your back like a firework, through your head and off into orbit around the Earth (much like a firework again). Well, I guess that depends on how you sit on the toilet really. Anyways, I think I've raised a very important point in this paragraph:
Why are all fireworks hot? Every year we're told of the dangers of playing with fireworks, the one and only danger being that they burn you . . . quite badly, I believe. So why has nobody invented an endothermic firework? It could also double up as an icepack for those times when somebody hits you really really really hard, often without you knowing beforehand. It really can't be that hard. Surely it's just a matter of mixing together some chemicals, having some humungous lab accidents, blowing up a few research centres, then Bob's your uncle - you have a cold firework. No problem. I might do that next week, in fact. And they say a chemistry degree is worth something. Pfft . . .
And another thing - cold fireworks could be incredibly useful in the world of cooking. A restaurant has a power cut. Everyone goes "nooooo - save all the frozen food!!!" Well, with your trusty and, of course, patented Yapoti Icework you have a perfect cooling utility. No more worries about refreezing meat for those scabby customers who refuse to give you a tip, despite the abysmally excellent service you provide.
Now, there is something that has been preying on my mind lately. Preying, in fact, in much the same way as a vicious carnivorous dinosaur preys on a little defenceless herbivorous dinosaur. And this topic of discussion is . . . dun dun dun . . . so called waste-paper baskets. This is simply the pointlessly different American way of saying bin. "Ooh, a piece of rubbish! How eloquent! So, where's the nearest waste-paper basket?" That's what an American would say. Then, on our side of the pond, where the grass is most definitely greener, we simply say "Where's the bin?" Makes so much more sense somehow.
So the point is, why are they called waste-paper baskets? Well, I can think of only one logical reason for this conundrum. The name came about back in the days when the only thing people threw away (in a BIN, by the way) was paper. No plastic, so no office stationery or anything like that. So people threw away paper, and only paper. Foodstuff went on a compost heap. See, only paper left for the bin. The only logical reason.
I tend not to do any sort of finishing paragraph, or evaluation for that matter, so . . . bye.
Yanking Astrophysicists' Porcupines Overly Terrifies Insomniacs
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