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I learnt a new word today. Well, actually I didn't. You see, I already knew the word, I just never used it. Well, not really never. In fact, I used it quite often, but not actually often at all. So it remained in the back of a cupboard just like monopoly. Ever since I gently placed it there for safe-keeping, it's never been used, so I thought I'd bring it back out, wipe away the cobwebs and dust, and have a quick game just like the old days...
So, spiffing . . . this word has so many spiffingly outstanding uses. It can be used to express joy, can be used as an insult, a threat or a distraction, and can even be used as a rather tasty topping to add a little culture to that sandwich that you're thinking about eating right now. However, unfortunately, the word spiffing is riddled with competition from other words, and often when used, people think you're saying something totally different. For example, saying "I'll spiffle you", or indeed a simple statement like "I'm all spiffed out, I'm afraid" in return to a question like "another spiff?", has a nasty habit of conjuring up all manner of misleading connotations. When exactly did the human species start substituting spiff for these immature, and really much less commonly used, words? I don't know about you, but I miss the long lost days of being able to say spiffing without people around you looking at their crotches.
I think now that we've lost the right to use phrases like "jolly good show old chap" and "it's spanking good fun" without raising eyebrows and lowering trousers, life just isn't really worth living any more. If you can't mess with the English language there's just no entertainment left. Well, nothing legal.
"Spewing". What's wrong with the word "spewing?" When somebody says, "I am currently spewing sentences in honour of Yapoti.net" don't just give that person a weird look - show some compassion and smile and nod nicely. Then, and only then, should you back away slowly, being careful not to make eye contact. Dear god, NEVER make eye contact...
Now, as you can plainly see, I've sidetracked rather majorly from my initial rant about spiffing, so lets go back to that for a big finale to this article. Spiffing should remain a perfectly legitimate word that is not dodgy in any way. So lets keep spiffing a well used, mainstream word for the general public to hear on a regular basis.
Spiffing
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