. : Random Musings (27 - 09 - 2006) : .
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No, a koala skin for a loin pouch is not a good idea...
*Gets off telephone* Hello, hello! I wasn't expecting you so soon! Good
evening, and welcome to Random Musings!
As I'm sure most of you will know, it was Ben Russell's birthday last
Saturday, so there I was (the organised man that I am) in Sainsbury's on
Friday evening buying a tin of Spam for Ben. So I went up to the cash
desk, and a rather large woman served me. She then asked - "How are you
today?"
I replied, "Fine thank you, and you?"
No reply; it was a tad noisy so I thought she may have not heard me.
"The weather's been a bit disappointing today, hasn't it? The past
couple of days have been alright, but now it's miserable". It was a fair
comment; it was miserable.
No reply.
...
...
"Sorry, did you say something?"
"Oh....nothing, I was just commenting on the weather..."
Then she told me the price, and I left.
I don't mind being ignored, that's fine because I'm English, and we're
all used to not talking to one another and staring incredulously at
anyone who does (especially on public transport). However, why start
conversation if you have no intention of hearing the reply? It's not
only extremely rude to ignore someone who you've just addressed, it's
idiotic to do it in the first place. If she wasn't in the talking mood,
that's perfectly acceptable. She could've been there all day, and it
could have been a crappy day at that, etc. but why start conversation if
you don't want to talk?It's a sad day when I can't be given the common
courtesy of being recognised as a human being because, basically, that's
the issue in hand.
Needless to say, Ben enjoyed his Spam.
Today, I suggested we kill all the lower sixth in my history class. Some
said that it was immoral, or at least, difficult to impose, but I
believe that if we all work together, we can destroy
those...those....ragamuffins. (On a side note, I'd love actual muffins
called 'Ragamuffins'. It would be such a clever marketing ploy). I
thought it was a reasonable suggestion; they clog up all the corridors,
and they have NO sense of direction, aaaaaand no common sense. Ooo,
let's stand in the middle of the corridor (just outside the café)
because I haven't seen you in ages, like this morning. Hey cool! You've
got one of your hapnin' friends from psychology, wow she's amaaaazing. I
love you so much, we're best friends for ever! Tra la la la!
"Get out of my way! My geography teacher is extremely annoying if I'm
late!"
"Like, whatever. No need to be rude"
This is the point at which I want to stab them in their abdomen, and
shout "IS THIS F**KING RUDE!?" People around me would feel threatened,
but I would feel justified.
Of course stabbing someone is incredibly rude, and I would only think of
doing it in the most dire of circumstances e.g. when a lower sixth
breathes on me.
But I speak rashly. Alas, I do not write rashly. Like J.K. Rowling, and
her whole 'I'm richer than the Queen' thing. I was thinking the other
day (with the aid of some friends), why don't wizards use muggle
artefacts in their daily lives? There are many things which would be of
great use to the discerning wizard.
For example, Dumbledore could have found Red Bull to be of great use
when he was falling off the castle tower. Snape would've been quite
baffled as well as Dumbledore flew off into the distance... Here is my
own insert which I think should have gone into the book.
"But...how is this possible!?" exclaimed Snape.
"There are more things to life Severus, you should get out more. The
muggles have their own sort of magic, usually involving mind-altering
drugs", stated Dumbledore.
"Bollocks", said Snape. "You've bested me again Albus".
Harry was weally weally happy. Harry danced around in circles and made a
pretty daisy necklace.
"Too bad it's the only magic Harry can do well", sneered Snape. He
sneered a lot, he liked sneering. He had a BA in sneering, not because
he was evil, but because of the job prospects. Look at him now! In a
major book that all children love. Let that be a lesson to you all.
"You're a very bad man Severus. Now go to your room and think about what
you've done. Killing innocent children might mean the school is sued,
and our government fund is small enough as it is".
"And I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling
old people who drink Red Bull".
Sorry, I was bribed to write the last comment for a Scooby Snack.
Well, that's it for this week guys. And remember...
"a new study found that male monkeys will give up their juice rewards
in order to ogle pictures of female monkey's bottoms."
Evolution doesn't change everything.
Random Musings (27 - 09 - 2006)
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