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Hello! Hello! It has been a long while since I lamented about suffrage for jellyfish, and (secretly) I think you all rather missed it.

Yes, it's Random Musings. Where the wierd and the wacky, which are very similar except for the extra legs, meet up and make babies.

My, my, England are out of the world cup. Now that the television is off, I can pretend that I don't really care what happened because I'm above all that sort of excercise malarky. But I have to admit that the game enraptured me. It was quite exciting, with the kicking and the passing, and the kicking....In fact, now that I think about it, I have just used 120mins of my life (excluding penalties) watching grown men kick a ball around a field.
How funny it is when one actually looks at what a game is. Tennis, for example, is hitting a furry ball over a net just so the other player can hit it back. Sounds fascinating.

I propose that a new sport should be devised. One that's complicated, dangerous and involves explosions...Lots of explosions. I'm thinking perhaps Extreme Deal or No Deal.

Noel Edmunds each game would give advice as usual, except that if the opponent is not happy with his advice (i.e. if Noel talks), then they are permitted to release Mr Blobby. Mr Blobby could be armed with different weapons each week, like a tazer or baseball bat with barbed wire around it. And then at the end of the show, with Edmunds bleeding, Mr Blobby would take off his head to reveal a celebrity!

The game itself will have to changed a little bit. Like having Big Brother participants having to open the suitcases, and then have little surprises when they're opened, ranging from quality street's to a spray of concentrated sulphuric acid. Graham Norton would be the Banker dude, to make it a little ironic.

"Hi Noel! I don't really want to accept that offer, I've got to have enough to have a manicure tonight!"

"Oooo...*Noel looks at contestant* He's really not happy with that, he's really fuming. You'd better watch out. You better not choose the wrong suitcase. Not the wrong suitcase! Psyk pysk pysk psyk-"

"Shut up Noel, and tell me where the money is, or I'll get Mr Blobby"

"Jade Goody's box"

"Excuse me!? Right! Mr Blobby!"

"BLOBBY!!!"

"A potato peeler!? What can you do with a potato peeler!?"

"Blobby...blobby blob blob. Blobby blobby, blob blob, blobby blobby"

"Well, yes, if it was thrusted that hard, right there...Yes, I can see how that would hurt."

"I'm well bored, is I opening it naa? Ya got £5 in this one mate, and some weird white powder..."

Anthrax can be a beautiful thing...

I'd watch it; it'd be the grip of the nation. Much more so than Wimbledon. I have to say that I'm glad this year that Wimbledon is being overshadowed by the football. It's not that I don't like tennis, it's just I hate the screams and grunts. You'd think that with all the training they do, they could at least prepare themselves for the game. But no. There are grunts of exasperation ("Ergh!", "Unnh") which aren't necessary at all.

It's just like the "Oh my God, you tapped my shin" syndrome that footballers have. It seems now that skills in handling the ball are subsidary to how good one's drama skills are. It's completely ridiculous. Especially when you have all these hardened thugs watching the game. The type of English 'ard man who would need an immense amount of alcohol/beating/tranquilizers to put on the floor, either because they're fat or their family has mined coal for generations and genetics has made them incredibly hardy, is watching a bunch of dandies poncing about(albeit very skilfully) with a ball.

Some may call that talent, but no one has talent like the Hills Road IT staff for annoying people beyond distraction. They continually baffle and bemuse me so much that it has got to the stage where I find even their breathing very annoying. !!!Disclaimer: The previous sentence was meant to have no comma's because that is how the author felt at the time of writing.!!! They always send me "You have ...KB in your folder/email shite, delete some and then we shall be pleased" emails, which I happily ignore until I try to send an email. Then they stop me. Why!? It's not as if my overload on my system is crashing the whole Hills thing thingimibob. I feel justified in ignoring them in the first place; everyone does. Even the teachers do, I think. They are, as is usually the case of those sad, sad men, the forgotten. To explain all their similar traits and abnormalities, I think that their gene pool must be very small, which is what one would expect if was only one room full of people...Not much privacy....

Anywho, it's been 5 months since the last random musings, I've been told. Terribly sorry, and there's no excuse really, so I'm just going to leave you with this:

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two helpless protesters to death.

Talk about dying for your cause, eh?

Random Musings (13 - 09 - 2006)

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