YAPOTI.net - The Home Of All Things Weird And Abnormal...

. : Random Musings (07 - 12 - 2006) : .

Now Viewing:

Don't you just love half term? It's probably the only holidays where I say to myself...

"Hey Eoin, you sexy thing you, it's only a week of holiday, so nothing of real importance can be done. Why don't you just slob this one out, and then pretend that you did something worthwhile. Don't worry, only I will know that you've hung out in 'comfortable' clothes all week, reading books and talking to nobody".

And it's so hard not to agree. Truly, this is what half terms are really for: nothing whatsoever. I often wonder what teachers do in half term. What does Dr Rob Wilkinson do?

"You can't stop me now Bond! I have the girl, and I'm about to blow up Jupiter! Don't come any closer, or the big one gets it!"

"Hey! I bag the ladies!"

"I was talking about the planet!"

"Aaah, go ahead. Nobody really cares about Jupiter anyway..."

"Bloody hell, you try something different and everyone's a critic. Fine, whatever, I'll aim it at the bloody moon. Satisfied!?"

"But that's lunar-cy"

"AH! Cheap pun....melting brain...can't take it....Ooo, would you look at the time? My week's over Bond, I'll be free next Feburary. Toodle peeps!"

"I'll get you next time, Dr.Wilkinson. Anywho, hey baby! Why don't you jump on my thrill drill?"

Saying this, the new film is actually quite good. I was expecting the usually Bond tripe; gadgets, girls, sex, girls, big bad guy, sex, few comic moments, saving the girl, sex, job well done, sex. But, really, it had a little more heart to it (I use that term loosely here), and it was enjoyable viewing. This is much unlike the one before, Die another day (I think) which had ridiculous gadgets. Like an invisible car. With today's modern technology e.g. infra-red viewing, an invisible car is useless. Plus, it's tacky, and far too American. Bond is British, and that should mean British style gadgets.

"And this, 007, is the best of the lot..."

"This is a tank."

"Quite, but not just any tank. It's got several little things which I thought could be useful for any MI6 agent"

"But it's a tank..."

"Do try to keep up 007. I've installed some recording equipment in the nozzle of the barrel, and a camera at the front"

"Bu..."

"No, don't worry, it's got a flash. Now, inside, there's a sofa, and a pool table. If you press this button, cigars will come out and a dartboard will unfurl from the back"

Now, that's more like it. That's just as British as our highest teenage pregnancy and binge drinking rates in Europe. We also now have the highest cocaine usage amongst young people. It seems as though we are getting more American every day, which I hate.
But then, who conducts these surveys and why? So the rest of Europe can point a finger at the UK and have a nice old laugh? I wouldn't put it past them. I mean, the only reason that we've got these high rates is probably because our bureaucracy is the most efficient in Europe, not because we're very much different to other European's (though they'd like to think otherwise, especially the French). For example, I can guarantee that Russia doesn't look into how high binge drinking is among its own young people. Did you know annually 42,000 Russians die of alcohol poisoning? The French probably don't investigate the 'banlieues'; I'd say that government authority isn't the most widely respected force in those areas. And the Germans are just as bad as us.

So why is there a desire to humiliate and criticise the British? We even do it to ourselves. Personally, I blame the media culture of today. Because bad news grabs us more than good, atrocities and evils is all we ever see. This imbalance has, in several ways, twisted our world perspective.

Saying that, the world is a much more troubled place than, say, 50 years ago. You could argue that bad news is all we have nowadays. I disagree with that. People are still getting married, telling jokes, enjoying Christmas etc. Why does there have to be a vision of doom, when there could just as easily be a vision of hope? Idealism isn't something that should be scorned, but neither is it something that should be applied to every circumstance; realism is needed in many difficult situations. However, it should be understood, and be seen as something to strive for. Mankind doesn't have to destroy itself if it doesn't want to.

On a more serious note, I think vegans are idiots. My philosophy is one should always eat something with a face; there's room for all of God's creatures...next to the mashed potatoes. Though, strictly speaking, mashed potatoes don't have faces, they still feel pain, and hence must be eaten. Vegetarians I can vaguely understand. It's hard, but you can remove the killing instinct. Personally, I believe that the meat economy keeps people employed and cows, pigs and sheep living (albeit for a short amount of time), and so if I stopped eating meat, then the world would end horrifically. Maybe. I'm not willing to take the chance, plus meat tastes good. However, this is beside the point, as vegans don't eat other yummy stuff such as cheese, yoghurt and eggs. Why!? Milk is fine; cows don't mind it being sucked out of them and most of their calves have been killed for veal anyway. And eggs are okay too. I mean, a battery hen is already quite cooped up in its box, I don't think it particularly wants a chick to clutter things up. In fact, eating eggs and drinking milk is actually helping the animal as it has no need for the substance. Actually, eating the animal ends its miserable existence, so eat an animal today and wrap yourself in the destructiveness of human beings.

Saying that, I wouldn't mind being out-competed by another species, like molluscs for example. Thinking that the whole of mankind would be extinct is a bit sad, but on the other hand, an octopus wearing a suit and going to work on a bus is really cool, especially if the bus is being driven by a giant slug ...
with a bus driver hat.

Octopi would obviously be the dominant people, as they're cooler, and males can tell when females are angry by simply the colour of their skin (very important for survival of the species). Slugs would be the workers of the society, as they're stupid but have the potential to become huge and orange (no need for builder clothes). There wouldn't be many wars, because molluscs wouldn't evolve religion, and everybody looks the same. Also, the pace of life would be much slower. Sounds fun, and I would cryogenically freeze myself so I could be part of it, but, in all likelihood, an octopus would think I'm an ice lolly.

And so thus endeth this random musings. It's shame that a Swedish knark reminded me that it's been about a month and a half since the last one, so I'll leave you with a random fact.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

So sad...all those nasty right handed scissor accidents.

Random Musings (07 - 12 - 2006)

< < Back To The Random Musings Archive